20 April 2005
How many men suffer from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem?I have recently been reading a book called 'Healing for Damaged Emotions' by a man named David A. Seamands. The author is not a psychologist, but a Christian minister, and he writes on what he has observed over many years of relating to people. His main thesis is that most of us are walking around with an inner conviction that 'I am not OK'.
The most liberating, and disturbing experience I have had whilst reading the book is the way that his description of people's behaviour so closely matches my own, and that of so many people I know. It seems that so many of us are anxious, are worried that we don't measure up, are down on ourselves.
In particular, I was reminded last night of one young man I have known, who is almost a classic case of low-self esteem, anxiety and depression all in one. Being the selfish man that I am, and despite my sincere efforts, I have found it very hard to befriend him. This book made me realise that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot make him feel OK about himself, and it leaves me with a great sadness.
How many other men are the same? How many other men are secretly, silently facing depression or anxiety? As a generality, we are less likely to seek help - and to some extent, can you blame us? From day one we are told that men must be strong, and keep a stiff upper lip.
The successful man is the self-made man, not the honest man who gets help. How can men help each other help each other?
This whole issue has also got me thinking about two other topics.
The first is the relationship between the mind and the body. When we feel things, where do we feel them? We almost certainly experience them in the mind, but there are also congruent physical feelings associated with the experience. When someone is depressed, they are depressed in the way they perceive life, but there are also chemical imbalances involved. Which triggers which? How close is the relationship? We are strange beings...
The second topic I have been ruminating over is the difference being a Christian makes to self-esteem and anxiety, etc. I realised that I had been totally misunderstanding Jesus' words, to my own harm. Famously, Jesus taught that the greatest commandment was to love God with everything you've got, and to love your neighbour as yourself. Just think about those words 'as yourself'. Jesus actually pre-supposes that Christians will have a healthy self-attitude when he tells them to go and love others. Instead, I had been reading Jesus' command as 'hate yourself, and love others'. A similar idea is found in Ephesians 5 where husbands are told to love their wives as their own body - 'because no one ever hated his own body, but nourishes and cherishes it'. This was quite a personal revelation for me!
Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox now...
Hey, don't leave that soapbox too quickly. I'm finding thoughts well expressed and making for good reading... you've definitely got priority in my aggregator.
Hey Dude!
You're hitting some pretty big nails right on the head... I reckon we really need a Christian countercultural revolution when it comes to 'manhood'... and on the whole body/mind thing; it's quite well documentd medically the link between physical and emotional/spritual/mental... the 'somatisation' of our feelings and turmoils are particularly evident as men because we tend not to express or 'recognise' our feelings as well so we express them in physical tangible ways...
Man your blogs been inspiring me to start writing again! Nooooooo!
Heya M.
Sounds like a good read. I think a good part of the problem is that we tend to overlook our being warped by sin in exactly the same way as the earth has been.
That is why it is so refreshing that we do have a father we can look to and see how everything ought to be. The reality of our own self-image, family relationships etc fall well short of how God demonstrates their purpose.
It gives us some insight as to how wonderful things will be in heaven when we notice the gap. However, it can certainly be a huge downer when we look at how we are and how we ought to be (just the difference between my wants and God's wants at times).
The more I learn about sin, the more its effects seem clear and unpleasant. Ah well, the sooner this tattered tent is replaced with the permanent structure the better. I'm very glad for Romans 7 when I start dwelling on such things.
I think it is also why we're called to look to more mature Christians as models. There are things I previously thought of normal because they were as a grew up, that I've come to see differently through the actions of other Christians.
Anyway, getting a blog going is a great idea. Its good to be able to see how things are going with you.
G'dawg.
Hey Marty!! Not sure if you'll read this comment, seeing it's about something u wrote over a week ago...
Kewl blog, I don't often frequent these places :) Interesting thoughts too.
Yeah, I dig what u say about Men and depression. As I was reading, I thought yeah, I know a few guys with depression, but no girls... but maybe that's just a reflection of the conversations I keep...
hmm, interesting as well about self-esteem as a Christian... I haven't given it a lot of thought, but something my pastor says always sticks with me: "humanity is rotten to the core". It reminds me of Mark 7 I think, when Jesus talks about what comes out of a man's heart that makes him unclean. yeah, and i've never really thought about what it means to "love myself", when considering how to love others... always used to think of "how I look after myself" or "meet my needs"... interesting..
Hey Marty!! Its Sean. Not sure if you'll read this comment, seeing it's about something u wrote over a week ago...
Kewl blog, I don't really frequent these places :) Interesting thoughts too.
Yeah, I dig what u say about Men and depression. As I was reading, I thought yeah, I know a few guys with depression, but no girls... but maybe that's just a reflection of the conversations I keep...
hmm, interesting as well about self-esteem as a Christian... I haven't given it a lot of thought, but something my pastor says always sticks with me: "humanity is rotten to the core". It reminds me of Mark 7 I think, when Jesus talks about what comes out of a man's heart that makes him unclean. yeah, and i've never really thought about what it means to "love myself", when considering how to love others... always used to think of "how I look after myself" or "meet my needs"... interesting..
I don't know about men and depression, but I've been finding lately that a lot of Christian women suffer from those kinds of feelings. It's amazing how hard it can be to avoid anxiety and depression, even though we know that God is in control and loves us the way we are. I think there can even be some guilt over feeling this way - "I have such an easy life in comparison to other people, what am I complaining about" etc.
It is indeed comforting to know that there are others experiencing the same kind of thing. When I first sought help with my depression and anxiety, it was such a relief to be told that it was ok to feel this way, it didn't mean that I had a bad personality, and that it would improve.
But how fantastic is it that we will one day leave all these things behind - having new bodies that are not subject to physical or mental decay - and we will spend eternity with God! Hallelujah!!
P.S. Soapboxes can be great things - get on as many as you want!
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